As I look back on the circumstances of my life with the guidance of my therapist, I have discovered that I gave up my power to people who attempted to control me. Instead of doing the things I wanted I let others make decisions for me and willingly went along with their choices for me. I believe that I felt I didn’t have the right to make my own opinion. My Mom was very controlling and overprotective of me. She made decisions, and I followed. I gave up my sovereignty, and that way of thinking became a reoccurring issue in my personal development.
I have rarely felt free. I had another therapist that told me that I would not get better until I “cut the apron strings.” He was right, but I found myself making some poor decisions. I that is to be expected since I had made very few of my own. I learned some things, albeit rather slowly that I could manage most things myself. I put myself in many stressful situations to achieve my rightful identity and succumbed to a deep depression that came at a high price.
I wish to encourage parents to allow their children to fall and scrape a knee or find themselves in difficulties from poor decisions. That is healthy growth. Parents are guides, not dictators. I don’t blame my Mom or the others who led me down a path I would not have chosen for myself. I only wonder what difference it would have made. I was unprepared to live in a world full of people who are untrustworthy or don’t care that their actions hurt others.
I’ve made an important decision. I chose to forgive myself and others. I decided to take my power back and set boundaries that will prevent others from taking my sovereignty. I will look carefully before I trust others because I believe too quickly. Most importantly, I choose to let the past not affect my future.
I admit to you, my friends, that these decisions don’t feel comfortable.
Peace be with you.